When not to say "tell me something I don't know"

When NOT to say "tell me something I don't know"

Thank you for you reading my column about “Telling your boss what he already knows.” While that column focused on ways subordinates can stay relevant with their leaders, I certainly don’t condone rude conduct toward subordinates. There are respectful ways to avoid unnecessary conversations, and disrespectful ways. I encourage all of my clients to be respectful.

Additionally, I thought I would share with you lessons I’ve learned the hard way, by taking lumps of my own. In particular, there are four occasions when you should NOT say to a person, “tell me something I don’t know!”

First, in response to your boss telling you—often reiterating—something about your job. Many times, your superiors are inspecting your understanding of a topic or your role. Or, he or she is frustrated you are not doing what you ought to be doing.

Second, with your spouse, especially if he or she is working at home to raise the kids while you work. Take time to listen to their advice about your challenges at work. We should listen to our partners’ advice about our challenges, because while they may not know the other side of the story, they usually know us better than we know ourselves!

Third, with your mother. Endure the uninvited advice and the details of what she has recently learned and wants to pass on to you. We honor our parents when we listen respectfully.

The fourth is with a young person who is helping you with your computer or smart phone. Most of us fail to use 90% of the power of our computers and smartphones. When a young person takes the time to explain how your technology works, even if it makes you feel stupid, thank them for the help.